Crushed

I have a friend. She is a fabulous girl: warm, fun to be around, outgoing, and pretty. She is really funky with ever changing hair and fashionable clothes. She has a good relationship with her family and a nice car to drive to work. But she has a problem, a problem that many of us girls has encountered, she has a crush.

Okay, so crush sounds pretty juvenile but since it isn't really true love but more of an obsession that term fits. She has liked this guy for about 5 years now and it is starting to drive her crazy. What happened is recently she confessed her feelings to him and he didn't reciprocate them but he didn't really shut the door either. So now she has a glimmer of hope that the friendship and "respect" he feels for her will lead to more. She denies this, of course, and says that they are just friends but we (all her real friends) can see through that lie. Because everything he does effects how she feels. If he is considerate and focuses special attention on her, she is happy but if he acts like a self-absorbed ass, which is the majority of the time, she is devastated. "Why didn't he call when he said he would?" "Why didn't he show up at my party?" "Why does he like this other girl who has a boyfriend?" The bad is clearly outweighing the good but she cannot cut him off and just walk away from their dysfunctional relationship. That is why I call it a crush because it is crushing her happiness and she can't seem to get out from under it.

When the object of our affection, refuses to be affectionate to us, why is it so hard to leave it be? We've all been there; pining after someone we cannot have and if we did have them we would only end up more wounded anyhow. We can't help but pin our hopes of 'perfection' onto this person, often for very trivial reasons like "He has such lovely hair" or "She has adorable dimples." Why should meaningless physical attributes that attract us to an individual cause rational human beings to create great imaginary love affairs? It is just lust gone awry but it still hurts us when it turns out badly. We won't heed our friends' advice and though we can see it isn't right, we won't give up. We become trapped - fused to our crush, unable to pull away and save ourselves.

I know that eventually she won't be able to take it anymore and she'll see him for what he really is: a pretty face without the necessary substance to sustain a meaningful relationship. But until then, I just sympathize with how it feels to have that weight pushing down on your happiness when all you can do is dream that what is crushing you is really a loving embrace.