My Love Story Unwritten

I feel that I should share a secret - I've already found the love of my life. I know it is a shock and quite a bold statement to make when I claim to be fumbling through singledom but I know it is true. There is however a very big catch: he isn't single.

Nor has he ever been since I met him. Of course, I didn't know this at first or I am sure I wouldn't have fallen as hard upon meeting him. I would have still have developed a crush because he checks all the boxes - cute, sweet, smart, very tall, blue-eyed, nice smile, funny, with dark hair. However, I didn't know that he was taken so I began to visualize straight away about being with my very own Mr. Right.

I met him several years ago when I started my first real job post-university. He was an adorable, baby-faced 6'4" man's man who was always so very nice and helpful. I fantasized about us working late and ending up in the heat of passion making love on top of our boss's desk; sweat and skin mixing with reports strewn all over his office. Even though office romances are not advisable, I figured that since this was going to be true love, an exception could be made. The only thing that kept me from jumping him amidst of all my co-workers was that I wasn't sure if he felt the same. I couldn't tell if he was hiding his interest because we worked together or if there was no interest to hide. When my answer came, I was so shocked that I think I lost a bit of faith in Cupid at that point.

The answer was that he had a girlfriend. Numerous conversations with him over several weeks and he never mentioned her once and then BOOM, he had a girlfriend and he lived with her! I thought I would cry right there in the office when I discovered it. I balked - couldn't be true, could it? How could my Mr. Right be with someone else? The more I discovered about their relationship, the more sick to my stomach I became.

They had been together since high school. They lived together for several years in a townhouse they bought together. She was cute and petite and I am not. And apparently, from comments made by him and others who knew her, she wasn't very nice, which I am. I was totally perplexed. From some of the things he said about her, it seemed that she was a self-absorbed, controlling bitch who only cared about materialistic ends. They kept their money separate and they weren't getting married or having kids because her parents were divorced and she didn't see the point. She didn't socialize with any of his friends and made no effort to attend any of our work events. The words from him own mouth made her seem like such a monster that I couldn't fathom how she was the one who got to spend the rest of her life with him and I, who loved him and would make him happy, would not.

I held out hope: maybe they would break-up. I mean he didn't seem very happy and the way she acted she didn't seem to really care about him. However, the more I got to know him, the more I found that he was frightened of change, which meant if they would ever part, it would have to be because of her. So I prayed she would wake up one day and decide she was done with him and he'd be free - to be with me, of course.

Months trickled into years and he moved up and became my boss, making the office romance thing more of a stumbing block (though I would have been fully willing to look into different jobs if it meant I could have that man). Then she got sick and he did his duty beautifully for her; worried and helpful for her to get better. I knew then that even if he got over his fear of change, he would never leave her because to him, with such a good soul, that would be cruel abandonment. That is the kind of person he is and it made me love him more, as much as it pained me to know my chance with him was lost.

A couple years have passed since I left the company and moved away. I haven't seen him and my only contact is the odd email. I received one last night in response to my enquiry into the status of his life. It was so lovely to hear from him...his cute, funny encouragements toward my new job made me feel so special. Hearing that her health hasn't been good of late, makes my heart break for him and for her too. Because I am sure that even if she doubts that this is the great love of her life, she feels forever attached to him by his loyalty, fidelity and caring during her darkest moments.

My sister says, "Summer, he is perfect for you, maybe you should tell him how you feel. He doesn't realize that anyone has such strong feelings for him. It has been so long since high school, since he was single that he probably cannot see that anyone would be attracted to him." I just sigh and say, "No, because it won't change their bond and it won't make him give up their life together. All it would serve to do is to end our friendship, which would break my heart more."

So I don't write those three words and I don't try and discern if there ever was a time that he felt anything more than friendship for me. I don't do anything because it feels wrong to try and take him away from her but also because I would lose my mind if I knew that he loved me back but yet couldn't love me back.

Thus, Mr. Right For Summer and I will never be. No tender words exchanged; no happy ending. This love story will go unwritten.